What to Do When You’re Carrying the Mental Load

Learn how to reduce the gap, communicate better, and tackle tasks as a team, so you can prioritize what really matters.

Mama, let me set the scene:

You’ve worked all day (or been at home all day with the kids), and when your husband walks in, he spends time with the kids, showers, eats dinner, and heads to bed—meanwhile, the kitchen still needs cleaning, tomorrow’s prep list is calling your name, and you just want five minutes to yourself.

Sound familiar?

Or maybe you’ve asked for help, and he does the tasks—sporadically. You find yourself falling back into the same pattern, carrying the load again, and wondering if it’s even worth speaking up.

I’ve been there too.

As a full-time mom, homemaker, and business owner, I’ve faced the exact same frustrations. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who sees what needs to get done. The laundry piles, the sticky floors, the bathroom your toddler just… “missed.” It’s overwhelming. But over time, I’ve learned this: it doesn’t have to stay this way.

Here’s how I’ve worked through it—and how you can, too.

The Reality Check: We See Things Differently

The truth is, most men don’t see the details we do. My husband can walk past a toy in the middle of the floor for days, but I’m instantly irritated by the clutter. It used to drive me crazy—until I realized he wasn’t intentionally ignoring things. He just wasn’t wired to notice them.

It’s not an excuse, but it helped me understand that this difference comes from how many men were raised. For generations, boys weren’t taught how to manage a home like girls were. They were taught to focus on traditional “male roles,” leaving them unequipped to handle household systems.

But here’s the good news: it’s never too late to teach and grow together.

For example, when my husband and I first started living together, it frustrated me to no end that he could relax while I cleaned everything. He simply didn’t realize I wanted help. His mindset was, “Why didn’t you just ask?” Now, we’ve built a system of open communication and shared responsibility.